Sometimes we know we are waiting for a verdict, which puts us in a binary position: do we anticipate the best possible outcome, believing in the power of willing goodness to happen through positive thinking, but leaving our soft, white froggy bellies vulnerable to the fish-nibble of disappointment? Or do we brace ourselves for the absolute worst, thinking like a rational creature that our inner-most psychological musings don't actually have any influence on outcome, and just secretly harbor a desire to be relieved by good news if it eventually comes? Is this the fundamental difference between a pessimist and an optimist, or are both types of people capable of reacting to the unknown in either way?
I am curious which of these approaches is the most fair and humane and reasonably attainable to and for the self, and the people in one's orbit. If you always prepare for the worst, it places the burden on loved ones to buoy you up throughout the process of waiting. If you believe in jinxes, or are at least the type of person who touches wood now and again, this is painful. Anytime someone assures you all will be a-okay, the fear is that Murphy is listening, the rat phink with big-ears in the ether, and will rear up and play his little gag on you, right when you need it least. But if you believe that all is truly fine, and then it isn't, what a mess of pieces are scattered for your loved ones to not only collect, but reassemble, and alone too, because you are too undone to help!
The Buddha, who would make a very good if infuriating movie producer, or patient, or even parent, would agree with the cheeky bumper sticker "I'd Rather Be Here Now." He would realize the futility in anticipating, dreading, or even looking forward to anything. He might invite me to remember a few fundamental things: Here I am. This is good. This is all I've Got. Be Grateful. (I don't actually know much about the Buddha, but my version of the other fat man in my life, the first being Santa, is that he is terse and speaks declaratively, unlike a Yoda with his backwards subject/predicate thing). In some ways, I have boiled Buddha down to: "If you are feeling anything at all, it means you are still alive, so be happy for that." (Any students of Eastern Religion reading here, please feel free to expand my understanding. Though I kind of like it. Yes, I am having intestinal cramps, but how lucky I am to be having anything at all!)
Some people like roller coasters. I don't. And since I think of myself as a fun-loving person, I feel as though I should. I really enjoy other people on roller coasters. They look so terrified and happy. But on a daily basis, sometimes just silently in the conext of my own little brain, I ride the existential one. Up, up I go with expectation, and I either fly, fly away with elation, or down down I fall with dejection or rejection. Any jection. Maybe with age I'll find that there will be less relief to the topographical map of my expectations. Maybe I'll learn only to worry about a problem once it's actually presented itself to me, and to be celebrate things as they come without waiting for second shoes to drop.
In the meantime some good things to do while waiting, aside from the givens of reading engrossing books and watching fast-quippy dialogical movies:
1) Avoid checking your email every five minutes. (it's just another form of waiting - don't stuff bananas with bananas.)
2) Cook. Bake. Eat. Rolling pins are good. Chopping is even better.
3) Make small furry needle-felted animals. Very soothing! Prick prick prick!
4) Watch real-life animals. They are so talented in living in the present.
5) Rescue Remedy. Placebo effect? Bring it on!
6) Think of at least one thing you have control over, and do it. Like go to bed early if you said you were going to.
Prometheus: Living Happily in the Present
No comments:
Post a Comment